My dear friend
What a beautiful job you did with this essay. Brave writing. From your heart. And a message we all need to internalize.

You are so right about the work involved in a relationship. It’s a reality. Yet any schlocky book or movie will tell you something like” if you need to work at it then there is no hope for that relationship. “

So if it’s not perfect what? Accept one’s role in (yet again?) picking the wrong one? Um no.

As you point out, the work isn’t always apparent until some years in and if initially, some plans are made to try and deal with it, the partners can easily take different paths.

To me one of the biggest problems is society’s acceptance that time-enhanced shitty relationships are just part of the norm. Betty is miserable. Peter does anything possible to avoid time at home. Mary serves Boris cat food from a tin and tells him it’s a seafood pate.

The message is: “ Suck it up folks, that’s the deal.” A big UM…NO to that one too.

So back to “work needed” and “reality” and people using “critical thinking” to shake up that view of“ it’s normal to be disillusioned/ unsatisfied/ disappointed/ sad.”

Xxxooo to you, always