Absolutely I agree with your points about assholes in all genders. I add “ stupidity ” in all genders.
It pains me beyond words to see how much work we need to do to get many women to support women in addition to the work we need to do to gain support from a whole lot of men.
It’s almost laughable when you start to say it because the solution is so simple. Instead of male privledge or white privledge or any of the other “ ledges”; the world needs people privledge. As in, all people have the same rights and advantages.
Applying your earlier sage advice Linda, let me now drill down to women only since that is the topic of Meghan’s article. It is also number 1 on my list of a ton of people related issues that I care deeply about.
Here is one example of nothing more than stupidity and/or assholdom. Young girls (any age for that matter) in one restroom and young boys in another restroom saying smart ass stupid things about tricks they want to play on the opposite sex.
I could as Linda did, go beyond my one example above and point out a bunch of things in your article, Meghan, that are not toxic femininity.
My comment to Linda’s comment is already too long yet the list of issues facing women in their quest to be treated as equally as men are treated…well…it’s such a large list that it needs its own website.
So only a few things more for me to write.
I will point out how my heart aches right now for this amazing, super smart and capable young woman friend of mine currently interviewing for tech jobs. She presents her competence as it impressively is. Still she and I talk about what she faces due to her lack of male privledge.
For example, of course she cannot be asked about future baby plans in the interview. Yet she and I strategize about how to answer questions like “Why are you moving to this town” for fear of conclusions made about her longevity in a job given that her boyfriend also has taken a more temporary job in the town.
My friend doesn’t even want to consider that this could be in the back of the minds of the all male interviewer board. Yet Meghan and Linda, we do know, don’t we.
She described to me some questions she was asked and my spidey sensors moved to alert oh-oh mode.
Sure. Maybe all was fine and as genderless as it should have been and after seven ( seven) lengthy interviews, the last with the head honcho, that she did not get the job…
Often though, the bias does seep in. This sucks. And hey, I do know that my friend’s experience above is so minor when compared to many other issues women face.
One more. I want to bring up how many times I watch some women attack things like #MeToo and other initiatives designed to equal the playing field.
Meghan, before I continue…please let me assure you: I am not implying that you are doing what I am about to write next. Simply I am reporting on some things I have personally witnessed.
Here goes. I have observed that some women think that they can attain male privilege if they say and support things they see other men do and say. They seem to believe that if they act like the boys, then they will be treated the same way as the boys. Therefore the best strategy is to not believe, not support women.
This makes me extremely sad for these non supporting women because we know they are fooling only themselves.
Yet their actions are so self centred and harmful. Here are a few sentences I have heard:
“ Not sure about #MeToo. Most of those women are lying”.
“Why would you want to recruit a woman. They are not any good in this industry( the woman speaking was a successful woman in the same industry)”.
“Those boys are about to graduate from a professional school. We can’t let a few nights of inappropriate drunken behaviour impact their graduation” .
“ That girl was drinking and got what she deserved”.
“ Never had a woman friend in business( said the successful woman tech business owner) Woman aren’t serious about their businesses and only want to do cottage industry sorts of things”.
Yup. Lots and lots of work for both women and men to do. Self serving motives, greed, assholeness, stupidy, narcissism, blinding insecurities…all those things and more exist within all genders. We all be people :-)
Maybe though. Just maybe… we women can first agree about the work needed in our own houses as well as outside. Then we leap with both feet to support one another. Always cognizant that generalized public dumping on women will not put us on some pedestal and get us admission to the boys’ club.
