Hello WIMO,

Dearest girl, I agree with others pointing out the two great gifts you have been awarded: career opportunity and support network validation.

I also agree that you probably already have your answer and might be overthinking the entire decision making process. We all do that from time to time. Even more often than that🙄😄

The earlier comments are accurate, there is no one correct way to go, it all depends on what you want for your life. At the end of the day, your decision is about your path, no matter how much you love and want to support and please your family, friends, and boyfriend. You do get to put yourself first for this important decision.

You have some exciting conversations to have with your guy and with your parents. Plus you have to listen carefully because of the fact that there is no “ this way or the highway answer”.

Take the “ring” thing you mentioned. It doesn’t have to be a yes or no reply from you for the time being. Grey is ok. If indeed you ultimately decide to spend the rest of your life with your guy, you cannot believe that your options are limited to a firm yes or no right now.

And he cannot believe that either. If he does, then you are learning something new and enlightening about him. Something that will spill over to other things in your life with and without him. This is important information because the journey of life is about constant learning, inside AND outside school.

Society has done a number on young women as far as “ the ring” goes. We all need to step back and see it as another rung in life’s ladder and not an event that requires movie-star-style bells and whistles. Meaning the ring is wonderful and beautiful but not a magic spell that explodes stars or sinks into the ground depending on your answer.

If you don’t mind a bit more frankness, presenting you with a ring right now would, in my opinion, be a bit of a scary message. I think it would intentionally, on your honey’s part, complicate things given how torn you are. Well, I am assuming you first had a very frank and open discussion with him and with your parents. You cannot hide how elated you are about both your over-the-top Oxford opportunity and your flannel-blanket-cozy and reassuring hometown life. Both have value, extreme value.

WIMO, I too think you can craft your own version of “both” or “ having it all”. You know why? Because “ having it all ” is YOUR definition, no one else’s. It might be tough to craft it right now though. For one thing you need some more world experience which means more time.

Imagine if your sweetie went to England with you. It sounds like he could get a job there based on what you say about his interests. Wouldn’t that say tons about him if he would entertain and try out that option? It would certainly give you two more experience together in the world and help with future decisions.

I can tell you something about my own experience as long as you promise to remember that that was what happened in my situation and yours is entirely different. One does not = the other, because, different people and circumstances.

Still, you wanted input from eFriends and in this case, not professionals, so our own experiences are interesting ( just not necessarily relevant). I am confident you will take this with the grain of salt it is offered.

I married my hometown boyfriend just before grad school. We were both students in the same city actually, but in different fields. We were gah gah about each other since grade 10. It lasted for a bit after we married but as we learned more, saw more, experienced more, we drifted and ultimately split up before we finished our degrees.

I had no idea that was a possibility when we were first married but then I had no experience of the world much beyond my home town and growing-up-together friends.

Some could say, maybe, had we both stayed in our home town and not gone to college, things would have worked out? Oh my goodness, when you think about that statement it’s almost like saying if you kept your mind confined would the relationship have lasted? Um….not a good view. Plus, I think ultimately our differences would have surfaced no matter where we lived because we were so young when we started our lives together.

Look WIMO, another eFriend could give you an example of a totally opposite experience. Again, that’s life.

So girly-girl enjoy deciding about these opportunities at your doorstep. Hide nothing from those you love. Use that amazing brain that Oxford was quick to notice and decide what direction you want for the life you will now build with your very own set of lego.

Much love and good wishes sent your way🍋🍋🍋🍋Suze