Satire/Humor/Writing

No, no, I was not bitten by a rodent. Yet sure as hell, I was stung by a bug.

One definition of hamsteritis: extra speedy, compulsive, task repetitive behavior. Becomes worse (speeds up significantly ) if one frequently pauses for a cookie. A racing heart is a possible side effect.

I went to a clinic uttering:

“Doctor, doctor, give me the news.”*

I listed my symptoms while crying the blues.

When I reached item seven, she said:

“Feel no shame.

Your hamster piece in May did not falsely claim.”

All to declare, I find myself wanting to write, write, write this month. And “Ok,” you are probably thinking, “Yeah, sure, you just want the Medium July bonus.”

And hey, maybe that’s true, and I do.

Or…

Scrittura/Prompt

Susceptible at fifteen
to the dominance of
emotional floods,
her body mimicking a
sandy
shoreline with
static pools of
self-doubt, pepper grinded
over the beach-scape
and the waves rolling
in
contained
not water, but
liquid fear configured
in lapping motions,
coating skin and seeping
into nostrils or
any crack in the dermis,
then transforming to
cloned brain trembles
paralyzing creativity
because
her nose is too
not-turned-up in that
cute pseudo piggy
style the mean girls
declared cool and
they
made fun of her short
skirts or anything
to torture her immature
insecurity so
she
goes rigid as she mocks
the squished rabbit decorated
with tire pockmarks on the
road in front of her house,
still, she said yes to the
teacher,
the one seeing her potential
and…

Humor/Life

Ok ok. First, you should read this funny post by Kitty Whitemore, my reply and then the weigh-in from Thief
Spoiler Alert: all 3 together will take less than one minute!

Are you all done?

Hope you had a few giggles reading the above back and forth. The thing is, it also made me recall this 14 year old’s cringe-worthy life event ( AKA will-never-leave-the-house-again story).

I just have to share the saga with you.

It was not a bikini. Picture a two-piece bathing suit, hip-coverage style, solid black panties. The top, white with quarter-size black polka dots all over it. …

Prompt/WotWU

I am going to tip my hat and mention two publications and two editors. Please know that easily, quickly, I could name fifty more. And counting. I stick with two in these moments because of the fit with this post and prompt.

We all appreciate the gifts of support, experience, knowledge, and guidance sent our way from many owners and editors of various publications. Those inside and outside Medium.

Please note an additional perk extended by the amazing Sherry McGuinn of Rogues’ Gallery and ScienceDuuude of Woodworkers of the World Unite (WotWU). I call these remarkable skills: engagement and creation…

From Lemon/Friend Advice Column

Written by: Suzanne V. Tanner, Paroma Sen, Amy Marley

Funny, the way things from childhood stick to your ribs.

My Mom treasured a framed piece of embroidered words and kept it propped up somewhere in our house. It did not seem to own any particular wall or mantel. I think maybe initially, it belonged to her mother.

The full quote was “Friends are like diamonds, precious and rare.” I remember Mom holding it in her hands from time to time, staring intently, while her eyes sparkled, yes, like diamonds. Those stitched words reflected a family value. How the Tanners felt about friends.

Is this the reason why I thought of…

FromLemon/Friend Advice Column

Written by: Suzanne V. Tanner, Paroma Sen, Amy Marley

Dear From Lemon,

Whoops. The doorbell again. Hoping it is my new bag from Milan. The delivery from Paris came earlier, and I like it, but the brown shade is a bit deeper than I expected.

Crap. I was distracted for a mo. From Lemon dudes, dudettes (take your pick), I really need some help.

Sam, my husband, and I were terrific those first seven years or so until our girls were both finally in Grade school. Then we started to lose touch. Slowly at first but then, faster, faster. The…

Income/Writing

Do you like presents? Dumb question. Who doesn’t?

I have wrapped up ten independent money-making propositions in the most enticing paper and ribbons. The entire package will not appeal to everyone. Different strokes for different folks. Embrace all of it, some or none, that will be up to you.

To be clear, this piece will not suggest ways to improve your writing. I will not list ideas for best performance on Medium, Vocal, Newsbreak, nor any other reading and writing platform. My expertise is not in these categories. …

INCOME/WRITING

Heads up Alert: Yah. This article is a tad long. I needed a few extra minutes to make some important and practical points about how Medium pays its writers. Also some cool things we could do about it.

Spoiler Alert: This is not, NOT, I tell you, a sour grapes post.

Greetings, Medium members of the 199K club. How do you like the shallow end of the pool? What…you say, it’s crowded? Heck, no wonder. It is one helluva big club if you agree with the current estimated 200,000 writers active on Medium.

I am proud to be part of…